No, I am not OK.

“When someone asked me the other day,”are you doing okay?”

My first response was “yeah sure, everything is great. and how about you?” (Seriously let’s get the focus off me, and let’s talk about you.) Because I’m really not okay and I have a reputation to uphold. Everyone always sees me joyful and with a smile on my face, because I sometimes”fake it to make it” through each day.

But behind those closed doors, I am not as authentic as I want to be, I put on a mask to cover up the freckles of falseness. And since I teach women to take off the mask, by confessing their sins one to another so they may be healed. I have a confession to make, because I want to see healing in my heart.

I haven’t read my bible in a very long time. And quite frankly I feel like I am walking a very fine line and the light that once shone so brightly in me will go dim and the lamp stand will be removed from my life. Why? Because I have been unfaithful to my King. I haven’t spent real quality time with him, and I have ignored Him, and given him the silent treatment, and that just doesn’t work in any relationship. I feel like I have forsaken my first love. So no I am not okay. I have a loss of passion, a loss of hope, and a huge void. I just feel nothing. I have spiritual apathy. And just like my physical body that has atrophied without exercise, my spiritual body has become so weak in faith. Help me please Lord.

I have rehearsed all the lines, and I know the Word. I know who I am in Christ, yet there is definitely something going on in my heart. I seem to want to fill it with everything meaningless.

I kind of been ignoring everyone, What is wrong with me?

Last fall I went through a similar and very rough season, and became depressed. Even during the Christmas season, I was quite the scrooge. We had a tree up in our living room, but I didn’t want to decorate it or really have anything to do with the Christmas season.

Well I had a couple of friends come over and when they saw my tree and my attitude towards Christmas, they immediately stepped into my pity party pit, and pulled me out but I didn’t come out that easy. I kicked and screamed (not literally) inside wishing they would have just left me alone. Instead they decorated my tree with old ornaments, and went and bought my kids a bunch of Christmas presents to put under the tree, because they seriously were not getting any from me. All the while I just crossed my arms and was completely closed off to receiving the goodness that was extended to my family. Selfish and self centered I know. You don’t need to point that out. It is in my face daily.

However, God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance, and after they had left my heart started to well up with thankfulness for my friends. They loved me despite my selfishness. Our God does too. His love is what covers over me.

SO why haven’t I read His Word? Why haven’t I spent time soaking in His Presence? Because I am weak. I am frail, and quite frankly I have been lazy. I have been with somewhat of a spiritual atrophy and complacent in both the spiritual and physical sense. I almost feel like my battery is dead and I need a jump. Does anyone have any battery cables? If you are on full charge then please just connect to me. I think we all have those moments, and it is in this vulnerable state that I am in, that I ask for a jump.

I debated on whether or not to post this because I have a lot of friends that think too highly of me. I may be letting a lot of you down. Sorry but I AM NOT WONDER WOMAN. I am just as human as you and I don’t feel like I can go on pretending anymore that everything is fine, when it is surely not. I feel the weakest I have been in a very long time. I feel lonely, even though I have the greatest husband a women could ask for. I just feel lonely. I am not connected to the vine. I am not abiding in Him, and I feel the void so deeply.

And I know you are going to tell me what to read and what I should do, and though you mean well, I am not sure I will actually follow through. I feel stuck in the mud of my own misery.

And I will bet that if you are reading this post, then it is because you know exactly what I am talking about because you have or are going through the same thing. What do you do about it?

Is it okay to not be okay? I think so.

You know that feeling when you haven’t exercised in such a long time and you start to feel so heavy with every move you make? Well that is where I am at in a spiritual sense, and I am crying out to the Lord to restore, renew, refuel, revive. Again I ask, does anyone have an jumper cables I can borrow to spark the flame in me again?

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About Jodie Dye

Originally from the Detroit, Michigan area, Jodie has made Bradenton, FL her home since October 2015. A former gang member and drug addict who had lost all hope of living, Dye felt the Lord calling her to follow him on Sept. 1, 1992. She has been following Jesus Christ for over 25 years with a greater addiction than she had with drugs. Her life testifies that God can create beauty from the hopeless cases in today’s society. What the enemy meant for her demise, God turned everything around and all things became new in her life. Bill and Jodie Dye married in October 10, 2010. They have three children each, making their lovely family a model of the brady bunch. Her calling is to prepare the Church for the coming of Jesus Christ. She is very passionate about helping people inside the Church walls to know their identity in Christ so they can be better equipped to live out what they believe. She has written four books with the focus on this preparation. Her book called Beauty Treatments: Prepare to Meet Your King helps the Bride of Christ prepare to meet King Jesus for when He returns. Jodie directs and hosts Beauty Treatment retreats, workshops and conferences. She has also been a speaker at various women's events and conferences. For more information on the next retreat, please visit www.innerbeautytreatments.com
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9 Responses to No, I am not OK.

  1. Jennifer K Lamley says:

    Jodie, been there, done that. Just keep on keeping on. Keep going to church and everything else you’ve ever done. You will push through. God bless ya, Jodie ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    • jodiesdye says:

      Thank you Jennifer for your encouragement. I work midnight shift on weekends and so I don’t make it to church on Sundays anymore. That may be a big part of it. I know it is just a season, so thank you for the reminder that I will push through. 🙂

      Like

  2. heather paul says:

    Praying for you beautiful Jodie. I am sure most of us at one point in time or another, rather it was for a day, short season or longer period of time… Have been where you are. I praise God that His light still shines in and through you for you, even when you don’t feel like holding up the light on your own… You are shining His light simply by being so open, honest and transparent with your readers. You are precious in His sight and I am praying for you as you climb out of the pit… Pits are no fun and I am so sorry this is where you are. Much love to you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • jodiesdye says:

      Heather your words are seriously the cables I needed to recharge this dry soul of mine. I actually wrote this post two days ago and didn’t have the courage to send it until today. Thank you thank you for taking the time to connect to me. This is just the kind of oil I need to keep the lamp burning. Thank you my friend from the bottom of my heart. My soul is welling up with tears of joy. ❤

      Like

  3. Lisa says:

    Jodie, I was hoping to catch you at church last night (Wed) but it didn’t happen, so I’m sending you an e-hug. My heart goes out to you because, yes, I have been there too. Jesus is standing on the sidelines and calling to you- Jodie c’mon get up- I know you can do it c’mon Jodie get back up. There is no trial that has seized you except that which is common to man so you are not by any means alone. BUT GOD IS FAITHFULL! He will not give you anything that you cannot bear. Press on and press in. Even if you’re not “feeling it”. There is a reason for this. Take a step back toward Him- no matter how small. I agree with Heather-the fact that you have just been so transparent is an inspiration in itself! Thank you! Being “wonder woman” is a heavy load to carry and being transparent is a great way to keep that at bay. Thank you for what you have done for the kingdom- it has been a joy to watch you. He delights in you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Devotion in Motion | Jodie Dye

  5. joanneviola says:

    Jodie, I am amazed at your transparency here. It is so hard when you get into a slump such as this & yet we all do in seasons of life. May you remember that it is a season & seasons do change. When I have felt like you do, I have found the best remedy is praise music – in my car, wherever I am driving, short or long rides. Praise music on – LOUD – & I must sing along. There is something about singing the words which begins to penetrate my soul. “With all my heart I will praise you, O Lord my God. I will glory to your name forever, for your love for me is very great.” (Psalm 86:12-13, NLT) May our God minister to your heart & soul today & cause you to rise up! Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    • jodiesdye says:

      Thank you Joanne. I am learning that being transparent brings healing to my own life. As I confess my sins the Lord is faithful to forgive and heal. He is so faithful to whisper sweet Words in my ear to reassure me that this too shall pass and this season is for the planting. Thank you for stopping by to minister kindness to me. I appreciate it.

      Like

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